The secret which changed my life in...90 seconds - Alice Allum | The BE Platform
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28 Dec The secret which changed my life in…90 seconds

This year has been mind blowing. I want to share everything I’ve learnt. Just how others have shared their secrets with me. I know there is no secret to happiness, success, and fulfilment. I know the magic all lies with how we perceive things. Every single emotion we create, we’ve done exactly that, created it. No one gave us an emotion, we created that emotion – isn’t it fascinating? If you feel angry, you created that feeling, you’re responsible. If you feel happy, you created that feeling, you’re responsible.

It must have been about four months ago now, I read about the science behind emotions.

At the time, there was a lot going on in my life, I was falling in love and it was not a love I was used to. I was falling in love with another woman. My twin sister was going off to travel the world, a person I had spend every second of my life with for 24 years. I was moving out of my flat and I was living in between my parents’ houses and my partner’s. I was helping to launch a start-up (which you’ll now all know as IX7). I had also just bought shares in a business which was about to undergo a massive downsize project, taking a team of eight to a team of two and putting the business into £50,000 worth of debt. A joint decision I’d made with the Managing Director to launch the business of our dreams and although I knew it was going to be tough, I equally knew it would be the best investment of my life.  And… amongst all of that I had decided to go ahead with a six month acne treatment, one I had thought about for years which had risky side-affects such as depression amongst many other uncomfortable effects I experienced.

One minute I was lost in the moment, re-discovering life through the eyes of love, I even remember laying by the ocean and talking about what I would do when this had all passed, the next moment I was blamed for redundancies and was receiving extremely hurtful aggressive messages and the next I was packing up my suitcase, again, moving to and from bedrooms.

Emotions were high, for myself and those around me too.

I knew everything I was doing was right; I knew it was all part of my journey to lead me to this very moment. However people have a funny way of testing your nerve and seeing what you’re made of. Whilst setting up IX7 we had someone leave, they were looking for security and at the time we couldn’t offer that and so between myself and the Managing Director, amongst downsizing another business, we took on their work load too and charged on.

We were fighting a battle, against all odds to follow our dreams and lowering the flag just wasn’t an option for us. It was time to show everyone just what we were made of and boy did we do just that.

I now wonder whether it was a test from the universe to see if we were good enough, strong enough, and fiercely passionate enough to be ready for all the greatness that was about to come. A dear friend of mind once told me ‘you just don’t know what’s around the corner’ and my oh my, we certainly did not expect the events that were about to unfold.

So, there I was, four months ago, in the middle of an emotional whirlwind, balancing what seemed like a shipwreck about to explode and I came across this article. The 90 seconds insight, which changed my life.

I wonder what impact this practise has had on my journey, I wonder whether I would have been steered off course by reacting out of anger or allowing others to tear me down.

After reading this little article I was freed of holding onto negative emotions and letting them manifest into a monster inside of me. There was nothing super special about this article it was quite simply an explanation of emotions.

I want to share this in hope that it will help you release anger and pain and help you become a stronger person. To make you see that your emotions are merely a reaction and you can control them. In moments of pressure and fear, like the ones I experienced, a bad reaction could have had the most profound consequences.

 

The 90 second insight that will change your life

When we experience something painful or find ourselves in a challenging situation Cortisol, the stress hormone, is released in our brains. This release puts us on super charge and fires us up. This is to prepare us for ‘fight or flight’. This is exactly what we need if our lives are in danger.

However holding onto this tense feeling and having negative emotions run through our bodies constantly after a challenging situation is not good – it means we put our energy in all the wrong places and in response we can act in a way we regret or even become bitter.

Have you ever felt that way?

This is the key part that changed my life:

When the Cortisol is released in our bodies, it only stays for 90 seconds. Once that 90 seconds has passed we are back in control of our emotions, reactions and choices. If we continue to feel stressed, angry or tense after 90 seconds, we are choosing to be this way.

It’s biological, we cannot control our chemical response, however we can choose how we react after 90 seconds, once the emotion or feeling has passed through our bodies.

If you continue to feel anger or fear, you need to listen to your thoughts – what is running through your head? What message are you telling yourself? What’s keeping you in this state of emotion? It’s likely you’re re-stimulating the rush of cortisol. Change your thoughts and you’ll free yourself of negative emotion and ultimately lead a happier more fulfilled life.

 

What you should do

When you feel a rush of emotion, I’ve found the below practise frees me of letting a challenging situation control me… 

  1. Acknowledge your body has released Cortisol and that’s why you feel tense and fired up
  2. Let the emotion flow through your body for 90 seconds
  3. Release the emotions and negative feelings with deep exhales
  4. Understand why that situation made you feel that way
  5. Finally, if it was a person who trigged the emotion, forgive them and pray for them. Pray they will too see the light and be freed from fear and anger

 

When I started using this practice daily, because trust me at the time I had triggers firing off from all possible directions, it was truly life transforming. There was a particular person who was attacking me almost daily, they had a lot of anger about the downsizing choices which had to be made in the business, I would use this practise and choose to re-focus where my energy needed to be – to getting my life back on track, focusing on building IX7 and pursuing happiness.

I’ve always believed we are all responsible of our own feelings and actions, however this tool really helped me take that responsibility and most importantly let go of negative emotions.

Life’s too short to let the risk of upsetting others stand in the way of your happiness, as long as there’s respect and you’re being fair, you must pursue your dreams of you’ll never find true happiness.

So, the next time a rush of cortisol is released, let that emotion run through your body and release it. Don’t let it become the focus of your day – we both know you have far more greater things to be doing with your time!